She walks, she talks, she crawls on her belly like a reptile. She's almost human. It's.....THE OPTO-MOM!!!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Bachelor 2014 - Week 1 - Meet the Gals!

It's that time of year again!  When women from all over America prop up their boobs and try to win the love (and big ole engagement ring) of an ab-licious hunk after a mere few weeks of dating.  In this case, Mr. Abs is Juan Pablo, and he was so popular, they had to allow 27 ladies to enter the fray.  So, let's meet the ladies, shall we?

Let the cat fights and whining commence!  Actually, things started out pretty well, because Juan Pablo started playing music so they could have a dance party.  He also had a photo booth in the mansion so the girls could loosen up and act goofy.

He had good conversations with Nikki and Renee.  Lucy the "Free Spirit" was kinda touchy-feely and put her bare dirty feet on his lap.  Ewwwww, just ewwwww!

Amy J. broke out the massage table and rubbed oil all over her hands.  Then she proceeded to massage him WITH HIS SUIT ON, and all I could think was, "How the hell is he going to get all that oil out of his expensive suit?"  Then she had him take his jacket and shoes off, and had a near orgasm over the size of his hands.  I think this was more awkward than free spirit girl.

Chelsie and Juan got silly in the photo booth, and she seemed like a very fun girl.  Elise told him about her mom passing away a year ago, but they appeared to get along well.

Then we were treated to about 20 minutes of Lauren H. crying about wanting time with JPab, a bad breakup, her low self-confidence, blah blah blah...  Ok, please go home now.  When she finally got to talk to him one-on-one, the conversation was very uncomfortable and weird.

Some redheads can pull off wearing pink, but Kylie....ummm, not so much.  Stick with the jewel tones, sister.  Also, she told him that she dreamed about him, which was a little creepy, to be honest.

Juan Pablo seemed very interested in Andi when she got out of the limo.  In fact, his eyes practically popped out of his skull.  He kept glancing down at her cleavage, which was tastefully displayed in a navy dress.  They seemed to have a good rapport, as well.

Juan mentioned to Sharleen several times that he liked her dress.  She is an opera singer, which is probably why she seemed so serious, almost to the point of being stiff at first.  She finally loosened up a little, and he gave her the first-impression rose....right after she told the camera that she didn't feel instant chemistry and that it seemed a little forced.  She actually hesitated when he offered her the rose!  It was quite awkward.

Rose Ceremony:

Cue the dramatic music.  Here are the keepers: 

Ok, more after I can finish watching the first week of dates.  Have a great week!

1 comment:

  1. Great to see you back, Opto!.

    But please resume your usual funny posts, the only thing i could see in this post of yours was boobies and even more fun boobies. I would be lying if i said i read more than one line of what you said lol